Call centre woes.

I spent two hours talking to my internet provider tonight. I’m pretty sure I was speaking English but after the second time around I enunciated every word so clearly even a retarded hamster could have understood.

    “No, my internet connection is fine, in fact it’s working better than it has for months.”

    “No, my telephone line is okay, no crackles.”

    “Yes my computer is working fine, and it really is switched on, and no, I’m not disconnecting the whole thing, dragging it down the stairs and plugging it into the primary socket inside the front door because the cat will probably piddle on it and there’s nothing wrong with the broadband connection. It’s your router that’s busted - again.”

    “How do I know? Because an ancient router I’ve had for about ten years is working fine, and I'm on-line this very moment, but the new router you sent me last year to replace the other router you sent me last year has broken just like the first.”

    “So if your internet is broken, there are some tests we have to…”

    “I told you it’s all working fine – just send me a new router, and no, I’m not paying for it because the fault is your hardware. Not my hardware, software or anything in-between ware.”

    “So if your telephone line isn’t working…”

    “If it was broken I wouldn’t be talking you from it, now, would I?”

    And on, and on, and on.

    I really have no problem with foreign call centres. But wouldn’t the ability to speak English be a distinct advantage?