It's in a completely different style from anything I've ever done before. It's also a little wordy, but I'm hoping to convey just enough of what has happened before so that the reader will want to know why, and what will happen next.
And just for a change I already know what will happen at the beginning, the middle and the end. Quite a departure for me.
The Book Of Pain
"Now I am glad I sent
it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and
change your ways. 2 Corinthians 7:9
“Indeed,
those who disbelieve in our signs, we will roast them at a fire. As often as
their skins are wholly burned, we will give them in exchange other skins, that
they may taste the punishment.” (Qur’an, 4:56)
Foreword
It was hard to believe almost three
hundred years had passed since he’d last visited this place.
Above him the remains of the ancient
structure cowered beneath a gloomy canopy of overhanging oaks. Green and
vibrant in the youth he barely recalled, but now shrouded beneath a dull,
gently shivering crust of solidifying foliage.
The once mighty branches
sighed forlornly in the parasite’s choking embrace as if no longer able, or
even willing to fight. Now the medieval grandeur he remembered was gone,
replaced by a motley congregation of deformed and strangulated sentinels
patiently waiting for death in a place stripped of all magic and wonder.
Peering up at the chalk-stone
rock laboriously dragged here unknown ages past, winged griffins, horned
cherubs and other, even more grotesquely ornate creatures clung to the stone arches;
their faces contorted and determined that none would pass through the portals
of the desiccated abbey. With a grim smile he recalled his terror and the hurried
crossing of his feverishly beating heart every time he had summoned the courage
to look up, convinced that they had seen into his soul and spied his unconsciously
evil intentions. The notion had never been entirely erased and still, hundreds
of years later they retained their menace. After quickly passing the macabre
protectors and stumbling over the rubble littering the arched doorway he halted
within the roofless interior. After all these years the deep scorch marks on
the old oak beams had not faded as if the great fire had been just a few days ago.
Even now he could almost hear
the mournful clanging of the bell and monotonous chanting that had always
greeted his rare summonses from the Abbot. Working from dawn till dusk in the
now overgrown fields, his very unworthiness seen as an affront to the god they worshipped; idolised with a fanatical zeal that had always confused and
terrified him. Surely theirs was not the same god his mother had always sworn
was all-knowing and benevolent; watching over them with bemused tolerance of
their many vices. She had never forced him to beat his own back with a sharp
branch, to revel in the blood coursing down torn skin as the monks had done,
groaning, eyes closed in masochistic rapture. And even as her god claimed her
dying body, just as he had his father and five brothers, she had still asserted
his beneficence to the agonising end.
Thomas Fletcher had no idea
why he had come back to this foul place. He could just have easily made the
decision in his flat in London, or the park. He had considered both of those
places, but just as quickly dismissed the idea. For some unknown reason here
was the only place. If he had finally been afforded the ability to make a decision
on his immortality, and his transference of that evil curse to someone else, he
should do it in the place where it had first been given to him.
Given! He snorted harshly, the
sound echoing for a moment within the barren interior. The walls were now
buckling, the brickwork beneath the tarnished and rotting lime coating visible
like the skeletal remains of a long dead animal. Of the grotesquely caricatured
windows, there was no sign. It had taken him years to discover that the demonic
figure pictured in the largest had been Moses and simply the result of just one
more of the numerous translational errors of the bible which had substituted
sunbeams from heaven for demonic horns.
Before him only a brighter
patch on the cracked floor betrayed the marks of the old pews, their remnants
long since rotten and devoured. In fact the only organic thing left in the
entire structure was at the end of the nave nearly twenty feet in front of him.
Two pieces of burnished oak that had supported the heavily brocaded alter and
that which had sat upon it. All was long gone and good riddance to it, too.
How this place had survived
at all was a mystery. He had found his way unerringly despite the years and the
complete absence of signs or fencing guarding what had to be an important historical
relic of the past. It was hidden within the rotting forest but in this day and
age surely nothing could hide for long. Satellites had photographed every
square inch of the Earth. And yet he was not surprised. Perhaps the abbey did
not want to be found. Maybe the land on which it squatted malignantly felt
guilty. And if so it was right to feel such a responsibility. The moral and
physical crimes perpetrated in this filthy place were such that if any god
truly existed, he would surely have obliterated the place long ago. It was a
man-made hell and should be destroyed with no clue to its former presence left
on the face of the planet.
A careless foot kicked a small piece of
rubble, the sound provoking a tiny rustle beneath a pile of windswept
undergrowth several feet away. Perhaps some rodent had been braver than the
others and made a nest for itself. Or could it be some kind of guardian. He
dismissed the idea – not because it was fanciful but because there was little
else they could do to him, his folly was complete and he had paid dearly for
it.
Looking up at what dull, cloudy sky he could
see through the almost impenetrable foliage, it seemed as if there were about
three hours of daylight left. That left him plenty of time. He cared little for
the dark for it would carry no menace for him. He simply did not want to miss
the final train back to London and had no desire to spend the night here.
Enough of his life had been consumed in this hateful place.
He extracted a small stone
that had worked its way into his shoe. It was almost funny, and he had never
entirely become used to the concept. Despite the implacable, relentless agony he’d
endured for so long, even something as innocuous as a minor irritant piercing
his foot was still noticeable. Not that he’d
noticed at first when this living hell had first been awarded him, an
excruciating torture which had immediately sent him into writhing insanity for
almost thirty years, deep within the bowels of this awful place. Until finally,
irrevocably a small, patient voice in his head had told him that he could spent
the next hundred years in the same condition if he so chose. It would make no difference.
He was to endure this torment until the end of time. Two days later he’d fled
this house of hell and never returned until now.
Backing onto a wall,
Fletcher slid down unmindful of the grimy lime pattering onto his clothes. It was time to think. He knew that sleep was out of the question for he had not slept
for even a second in three centuries. Perhaps there would be a time for that when the
decision was made. He closed his eyes, his mind miraculously clearing as he began to think.
I think its fantastic - the best passage of writing you have produced that I have read so far. The sense of atmosphere and visual impact is brilliant. I genuinely would like to find out what happens next. I also like your protagonists's name - beside being one that transcends the centuries so well, Fletcher for me is always a very symbolic one - the maker of arrows - great choice.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sharon. I might consider a few more contractions when the first draft is finished. But before then I have to decide if I'm going to write it in the first, or third person. Both appeal to me.
ReplyDeleteI've always preferred the third person as it is usually less certain if the protagonist is going to survive or come out of the story ok. (But then Game of Thrones came along and kind of destroyed that theory!)
DeleteYes, you're right. With third person I can always offer more surprises. Decision made.
DeleteWow! I'm loving it. It is really good.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm working on it - in my head since I don't even have time to write at the moment. But being self employed, I'm not complaining.
DeleteOh I love, love, love this!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteFor the first time, I now exactly what's going to happen. I wonder how long that will last as I begin writing further.
ReplyDelete