Conversation with a destroyer of worlds

Now that Kongomato 2 is finished; before I begin all the edits of the three novels I’ve completed, I’ve decided finish Old Geezers 2. I’ve left them to their own devices far too long, so today I’ve dragged one of them out of the bookies. I’ll snare the other two as soon as I can.

    Old Geezer number one is Charles aka Chet, Haughey. Claims he was in the US Army, but then he claims a lot of things, most of which turn out to be completely false.

Were you really in the army, Chet?

Chet   ‘Sure was. Gulf War one, two and three.’

I didn’t know there were three gulf wars.

Chet  Yeah, well there’s a lot of what goes on that you don’t get to hear about. – rubs his nose and winks.

In your first adventure, you destroyed the Earth. How did you feel about that?

Chet  Well it was a bit of a bummer at the time. But anyways we fixed It, so no harm, no foul.

And what about Abe and Amon.? Did they help or hinder you?

Chet Most of the time they’re a pain in the ass. And as for that little****(expletive deleted) Amon, well he’s the one what screwed it up in the first place.

How did that happen?

Chet   He’s such a little runt. Thinks he’s cool and a real pro like me but he’s just an amateur. Weren’t for me they’d both be dead a dozen times.

And what about Abe?

Chet  Well he’s so busy with his goddamn books and his head so far up his own ***( another expletive), he wouldn’t even know the world ended if it wasn’t written in the book he was reading.

Tell us about these pills you take to make you all live longer.

Chet  Well we was playing strip gin outside the care home we all live in with a couple of new female assistants, and this guy offered them to us. We swallow one every month and we’re back to being young again, well at least younger. And they pay us. A real result. Not that I need them you understand. I’m still in my prime. Lookey at them muscles.

Yes, very impressive. What I want to know is if you’d be willing to travel in time again? I mean it must be a bit scary, and there was that incident with the earthquake that destroyed Los Angeles.

Chet  Yeah well, (seems a little defensive) Abe told me all about that causal loop and quantum timeline crap. And he said that it was going to happen, whether we was there or not. Anyway, if I remember and usually do; you can’t change history, or I think that’s what he said. But it all stops me getting bored; and you know what happens when I get bored.

I remember. Whose idea was the gay stripper in the old people’s home? As I recall three people had strokes as a result. Refuses to say but beams with pride.

Anyhow, I need to go back. I still want to get that mad ****** Staines. If I don’t stop him he really will kill the world for good this time. He’s gonna plant a nuclear bomb in Mexico in about twenty years and I gotta stop him before he does. I don’t want him blown up. I wanna trash the little  **** myself.

Chet seems to be getting a little rowdy so I let him go, chasing after one of the replacement female staff members who don’t yet actively hate him.