Books I loved reading.

Saturday, 20 August 2016

I wos mugged.

Ex Royal Marine, ex martial arts instructor, ex bodyguard and I was mugged yesterday.
    I'll tell you what; never again am I going to give fruit and apples to my daughter's hoard of monsters. Who could have known that a mutant Shetland pony carried the mass of an out-of-control bulldozer. I'd have expected it of her two giant brainless horses, but the hamsters sized equine fiend?
    Even Louis, who in human years is approaching one hundred and fifty years old sent me flying, head butted me, nearly bit off my arm and sent me hurtling into a pile of horse droppings I'd missed earlier whilst poo-picking the field.
    Together they made almost one thousand pounds of lunging flesh, all demanding and  tearing my pockets for another piece of carrot.

My daughter's boyfriend made this film but I can't show the whole thing because there's just a little bit of swearing.
    If they come near me again I'll be eating curry for a month.

Friday, 19 August 2016

I've had enough for the time being.

I've converted about nine of my novels into paperback now and am awaiting the four I (at least) consider my best, for final proofing. I could have done it on-line but I wanted one real touchable copy of them all for my collection.
    My family will probably never see them, because 'daddy's little hobby' has always been something of a joke in my house. But to have some of my own books on my shelf is a dream fulfilled.
    Now it's time to get on with kongomato 4, the absolute final book of my monster trilogy. Mind you, I've said that before. This will definitely be the last, maybe, probably.
    I'm toying with the idea of paying my daughter to read the four proof books which should arrive sometime within the next decade or so. It will amuse her to scrawl big red marks across the pages to outline my mistakes, as I've always threatened to tear her arms off if I ever saw her defacing a book from sheer spite. And now I'll be asking her to do it.

    I'm off to France next week. Not for the job I originally thought, but for something else. At least it will give me time to get a few chapters down. There's nothing like the heat and constant interruption to drive my already odd brain into further acts of mindless violence - and that's just on the plane going over.

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

I spoke too soon - as usual

CreateSpace obviously became bored with my attempts to convert my entire twelve book library to paperback and decided to thwart me. I tried their fix templates, and they're even worse than my own feeble efforts to do it in the first place.

See him? Well that's me refusing to be thwarted

Saturday, 13 August 2016

I've got the bug now.

Not content with converting my Kongomato books from Kindle to paperback, I found myself with a day free and did The Book of Pain as well. Of course I don't know how they're going to look in proof form, even though the on-line editor says they're fine. I learnt that mistake the first time I tried to do it and haven't done so again until now.
Whatever, I'll persevere until they're finished. I promised myself that I'd do at least some publicity on my work this year, even though I hate it and would rather just be writing. Kongomato 4 is coming along and it's going to be really bloody. I wonder how my creatures will fare in the big apple.

I've had two major updates to my Windows 10 (spit) in the last twenty four hours, but I've still to get the anniversary edition. I wonder if I've upset Mr gates by denigrating his product. Honest, Bill I love Windows 10 (spit).

Thursday, 11 August 2016

Finally did it.

It's taken years to pluck up the courage but I've finally put both Kongomato 2 & 3 on CreateSpace in paperback form. I don't know why I was so afraid; it only took six hours!! Of course they haven't accepted them yet and at the ridiculous prices they're forcing me to charge I'll probably never sell a single copy. But I've done it and now I can get on with writing number four. I wonder if this will be the final one. It was meant to be a single novel but knows where my nasty little brain will take me.

 I have another ten novels to do but I don't know if the world will last long enough for that.

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

I hate to say it but I was wrong

For months I've been droning on, and on and on about the merits of TextMaker, my cheap and cheerful alternative to Word. And it is good. I've written three novels with it and although the relative merits of my mad scribbling may be open to debate, the software itself was fine.
    I've been debating whether to put my 2nd, 3rd and unfinished kongomato novels into paperback via CreateSpace, and we all know how problematical that can be - or maybe just me the world renowned dunce. My problem was not being able to put page numbers up. Putting them on the page was easy enough but not putting them on the two opening pages (the sure sign of a novice).
    Therefore I downloaded Kingsoft writer  for free, and to my amazement the instructions were written slowly, in nice big letters and clearly with me in mind, and I completed the task in nary and hour - ish.
    So for all of you who either can't afford, who like me hate Word then I would heartily recommend kingsoft.
    And lest you were wondering, no I don't work for them; I'm just someone who's finally found something my antediluvian brain can decipher.
    I have now finished formatting Spawn of Kongomato for print. All I have to do is wait and see if they'll accept it. If so I'll do the third: Progeny of Kongomato, tomorrow.

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Scions of Kongomato

I'm running out of titles for my Kongomato series. This time I'm using Scions of... I'll probably change it but after eight months of happy idleness I've finally begun number 4. My typing muscles are a little atrophied and just three pages later it felt like I'd just worked out at the gym, so it will take while before I get back to my usual 5000 minimum words per day.
    In fact this one may take longer than all the others because I've decided to take on CreateSpace again and put both two and three into paperback form. I don't know about the rest of you but just putting page numbers and headers is positively the hardest thing about it. I haven't tried it with TextMaker yet, so hopefully it will be easier.
    I was going to do some more tonight but instead I'm going to look through the vast catalogue of book covers on that site I found and hopefully find one that will suite Kongo 4 before someone else gets it.

    This isn't a clue. I was just wondering how many Gimp filters I could use in a single painting.
Seven on this one.