Having read my last two interviews, David and Derrick ambushed me today and demanded to give their version of “stuff”. They seemed a little upset about Sad-case bigging himself up, as usual.
So, David, Derrick. It’s good to talk you both at last.
David smiles uncertainly. A blond haired youth, easily the best looking of the three, though not as large as Sad-case, but a steady eye that informs me that he’s no push over. And Derrick for all his girth and zitty face, has a winning way. His eyes suggest intelligence as Sad-case grudgingly allowed.
David Yes, I read what El-Gobbo said about us the other day.
El-Gobbo. Is that another new nickname? I can’t keep up with them all.
David Yeah I just made it up. He never stops with his mouth.
Derrick I’ve just thought up another. Do you want to hear it?
Tell me, I suggested.
And it really is a good one but possibly a little graphic for my blog. I’m not sure it’s even physically possible, so definitely illegal.
So what do you both want to say?
They both begin to gabble but finally Derrick nods and allows David to speak for both of them.
David We know Sadders is stronger than us both but Derrick’s the real brain (Derrick nods smugly) and I do the stuff that stops us being minced by the grown-ups.
So a working partnership, then? They both smile warmly.
David I just want to say that if Sad-case hadn’t actually shot that gi-normous monster on our first trip, it wouldn’t have fallen and nearly crushed all to death in the first place.
And, Derrick adds. if he hadn’t painted the school cat silver we wouldn’t be in so much trouble. Or used the school lathe to cut holes in his new Yak skin hoodie and trashed the whole classroom.
Or, David insists if he hadn’t dropped that burning magnesium strip into the sink full of acid and fireworks, then half of the school wouldn’t have burnt…he stops, a worried frown creasing his otherwise youthful face.
So will you take him on your next adventure if you go into space? They both consider for a moment.
David Yes, I suppose so. But the next time he annoys an alien monster, or blows something up, or…
Derrick Or trashes an entire spaceship by making it fly upside down, then shoots missiles at buildings full of sleeping…’ Pauses again.
I think they both realise they may have said a little more than they should.
Derrick Yeah we’ll let him tag along, but this time he’d better watch out because I’ve got a couple of surprises for him. David nods knowingly.
And are you looking forward to seeing Yoreth again?
Both nod then blush at her name, funnily enough, just like Sad-case
Derrick Girls who don’t look like adults, but are, and aren’t - human that is. I mean, it’s hard enough just being a boy without all that stuff to deal with.
David Yes, we’ll probably save the world again. That’s the easy bit. It’s the girls. They frighten the willies out of me.
Derrick nods in agreement before they tell me that they’ve got a really good trick to play on Sad-case and run off giggling.