Saturday, 11 October 2014

Got my own back - didn't work.



On arriving home after eighteen hours at work the other night, my house was in turmoil as not one but two women were bathing and changing. It’s bad enough when either my wife or daughter does it but together! I thought I was going to choke on the assorted perfume/talc miasma.
     ‘Where are you going?’ I demanded since I was clearly the only man on the planet who’d ever worked an exceptionally long day.
    ‘We’re going for a drink with the girls from the stable.’
     ‘And am I invited?’ My wife spared me a pitying glance before returning the mountain of clothes she was not going to wear.
     ‘But you wouldn’t come if we had invited you.’
     That wasn’t the point.
     ‘But you didn’t ask me!’
     This time her gaze was less than warm.
     ‘Very well, darling. Would you like to come?’ I noticed a cessation of movement from the bathroom as my daughter paused from whatever it is young woman do during the eight hours it takes to transform themselves.
     ‘What, go out with a bunch of chattering women, making fun of their boyfriends and husbands? Not if my soul depended on it!’
     ‘There.’ she smiled sweetly, ‘You’ll have a whole evening without us. War films, horror films and all that rubbish you like to watch again and again and again.’
     ‘It was time to get my own back on my daughter, who’d come down in the hope of witnessing violence.
     ‘You both hate me and wish I was dead!’
     This is beloved daughter’s standard shtick whenever she doesn’t get what she wants.
     ‘Yes, darling. Now have a good evening. And if you can stave off slitting your wrists for a few moments, I’ve left your favourite dinner in the oven.’

     And my favourite war film wasn’t on!!!

6 comments:

  1. See, this is what DVD's, DVR's, and all those other D's are for ... I've had this experience, having two daughters, of needing a war movie on standby. I suggest anything in which Hitler gets trounced.

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  2. We can't use our DVD or video player. Spawn of Satan has already destroyed them. But luckily I found a good film the next day. Operation Crossbow. Complete codswallop of course but that nasty man with the silly mustache got his.

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    1. That's the main thing! Silly mustache.

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  3. Hi Roger, I bet you had the best evening ever!! Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog, I’ve been going around the house trying out the rule of 69 on everything! Do you recognise this?
    Once more the slow connection finally reached its climax and the decision was made. A somnolently flashing cursor hovered magically inside a box which prompted him for a password. Hendry had expected this. What would the man have used? And more to the point was there a maximum number of attempts like when using a PIN code in a cash machine? Well he would soon find out.
    Page 69 of Kongomato no wonder I like it so much.

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  4. It took me a few seconds to remember. Thanks for liking it, and asking for a second. Number three is well under way.

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  5. So funny. Truly, a guy wouldn't want to be part of a ladies night out. He'd be way too embarrassed by the conversation.

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