Sunday, 19 February 2017

If I'm foolish enough to close my eyes.

Did you notice a serious disturbance in the force on Valentine's day? 
    Well if you did it was my wife. I could give any number of pathetic reasons, and even working fourteen hours that day wouldn't and won't be enough to save me.
    I have to admit it with shame. I forgot. There, it's out loud. I forgot Valentine's day.
    It doesn't matter that I've remembered the last thirty two with near Teutonic reliability; it won't save me. I forgot, and because women always know about that stuff - she didn't.

    What's really worrying me, though, is that she took it very well. Too well in fact, considering the heinousness of my crime. I've barely slept since, knowing, just knowing that retribution is sure to follow. But almost a week's lack of sleep may just be the beginning of my penance. My beloved has a large carving knife collection. I don't know why since she favours just one, leaving the other enormous shards of shiny bright steel honed to a razor's edge within permanent viewing distance perhaps as a warning. 
    So if you don't hear from me again, well forever, then you'll know.


  1. You might want to wear a ballistic vest and employ a food taster.

  2. There's no point. If she decides to do for me - then it's over.

  3. Forgot? How on earth could you forget Roger, it was everywhere? Perhaps your wife forgot as well? If so you might be forgiven if not, quite frankly, you are toast!
    I would bury those knives in the garden before she buries them in you.

    1. I work a million hours a day and don't get time for watching telly or radio. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it. And she forgot my birthday, and last birthday.
      And I'm too much of a wimp so I made it up to her.