For someone who's been repairing and building computers for over twenty years, I'm a real plonker - that means idiot for anyone not speaking the antiquated English to which we still doggedly cling in England.
It's been a couple of weeks since I did a routine nasty-scan of my computer. So I did it this morning expecting it to say nothing, since I have a good anti-virus, and a firewall Fort Knox would be envious of. So fifteen minutes later I came back with my cup of tea to find the result.
644 viruses. None of that spyware, malware or other stuff that's just annoying but does little damage except annoy me. 644 trojans. Are there that many?
I've got a theory as to why people write viruses. In the old days they would upload them to snag any passing surfer and then demand money for the repair patch. That doesn't happen anymore, or at least that I'm aware of. Do you know why they do it?
Has anyone ever wondered why dogs feel the need to lick certain parts of themselves but only in the presence of polite company? It's the same reason that grubby little geeks write viruses - because they can.
I read something in an old book at the weekend that some of you might find amusing. Apparently the annoyingly smug tone with which some people point out other people's bad grammar is not confined to the present. During the Second World War Winston Churchill became irritated by the superior tone with which the Whitehall mandarins were redacting the poor grammar of government reports, to the point where they became virtually unreadable. A case in point was the heinous crime of ending sentences with conjunctions. Barely a mention of tedious ephemera such as millions off people dying at the hands of the Nazi hoard.
Anyway, Old Winnie got so fed up with bureaucratic interference that he wrote a missive to all the Under Secretaries with the following warning: "This is a problem, up with which we will not put"
Apparently they got the message.