Finally got my new tablet - part two

As recorded several weeks thence I got my new tablet. No more problems, thought I - what a simpleton I am.

   I've been typing for over thirty years. And you'd think after all that time I could do it really quickly. Well I can, but little of it actually makes any sense. So I use the opportunity to spell the words correctly and replace them with others that work. The only problem is: virtual keyboards.

    They're all too slow. Even with my much heralded quad core chip thingy the words still take nearly ten seconds to crawl onto the page after I've stopped typing.

    And who in the name of all who art holy decided to put an emoticon/emojo, thingy on the keyboard? Probably the same person who thought that a DELETE key was no longer necessary. I don't know about the rest of you but most of my editing is done with the delete key rather than the backspace - probably the obscure way my brain works.   
    I even tried one of those keyboards we can swype, but I firmly believe the word suggestion database must have come from a galaxy far, far away because my first sentence was proudly displayed thus: skjdghag asdl'fuhyffod o' dalfjhiofg adlfh. And I scratched my screen up - through a screen protector.

     In fact I tried so many of them my tablet was positively bulging with set up files and junk.

    Then I tried the largest computer shop in England only to find nothing, and no help. No wonder their prices are so low, they can't even afford to employ staff. I swear I could have sauntered out of the front door clutching their new 100 inch LED to my bosom without a soul noticing.

    Undeterred, I went to another shop and there found a small bluetooth keyboard, (minus the delete key!!!!!) for thirteen pounds.

   So finally I can get to work; and as I spend most of my time driving around London - the slowest driving city on the planet - I expect to finish my next book by the time I've managed to get to the end of the road.