If anyone can put their foot firmly in their mouth it's me. The number of times I've blurted something incredibly cretinous without thinking is endless; and every time I swear it's going to be the last. I never plan it - it just happens.
Standing amid a group of people yesterday, all of them desperately proud of their cars but being totally cool as people gawked at them, I glared at mine with loathing since I hate all cars. It was at that moment that I spotted the personalised plate on a Rolls Royce Phantom. Now I hate personalised plates. They are the most ostentatious waste of money I could imagine. This was when my mouth took over. As usual, I didn't think about it, my facial muscles just began and I was powerless to prevent it.
'What does that mean? I began smugly, 'Is it an acronym for I'm a pretentious tosser?' (tosser is quite a rude word in the UK) I mean, who has a chrome covered car?
About a second later a very large hand tapped non too gently on my shoulder. 'No, it's my name.' After punching myself in the head several times I turned round to see my new client storming off whilst ringing the agency and demanding someone else.
I really, really should learn. I've just lost three days work because I can't trust my mouth.
Yes I'm a fool but he really was a pretentious tosser.