My internet has been down for twenty four hours. It's funny how you (or is that just me?) take it for granted.
When I finally got through the myriad button presses, designed specifically, I think just to deter any caller, I was told that I would be called back the next day. I wasn't. So I called them and after yet more multi button presses, was finally passed to a call centre somewhere in Outer Mongolia by the sound of it. Now, I have no immediate problem with foreign call centres, save for the jobs they take away from this country, but if you ask them a question not appearing on their board, they quickly become confused.
'Is your telephone working?'
'Yes. I'm speaking to you on it right now.'
'Right then, if your phone's not working...'
'It is working I'm using it right now.'
'Are you sure you're not using your mobile?'
'Yes. That's right next to me but not actually in my hand.'
'Are you sure... ?'
I then told them I'd already done all the checks they wanted me to do, which left only hardware problems - their hardware problems. The woman then told me that if the router was kaput, I would have to pay for another. And pay for the workman to come out - in about three weeks.
Perhaps it was the muffled expletives which prompted her to switch me to a Customer Loyalty Centre, where a very pleasant woman professed her undying sorrow, and no of course I wouldn't have to pay for a new router. And yes, it would only take a week (disregarding the coming weekend) before it got here.
So now I'm stuck with my prehistoric and clockwork modem. I could probably write faster than the download stream. As for the upload, I could definitely write faster then two bits per second.
"Did I want to answer a few questions as to their performance today?" My daughter's cat fled. She's probably never seen me that shade of purple before.