After waiting for weeks, I finally got to meet Amon – Old Geezer number three.
It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped but I’ve put it down exactly as it happened minus most of the profanity.
Amon, it's good to meet you finally.
Amon Cut the crap! You’re only doing this to sell some books. If you were any good, you’d have been publishing the old fashioned way.
Well that’s only partially true. I wanted people to meet you. I’ve already spoken to Abe and Chet and it wouldn’t have been right to leave you out.
Amon Damn right. Wasn’t for me those two jerks would have been stuck in another time with mad Nazis hunting them and shooting their ass.
Well, wasn’t it you who jumped into the warp chamber in the first place and got them into that mess? He opens his mouth to swear before suddenly remembering that I’m right.
Amon Yeah, well, that’s not what happened exactly. But it was me what found my way in there in the first place. Wasn’t for me, they’d still be wandering around with their thumbs stuffed up their…
Can we start from the beginning? Chet said you were the real brains of your outfit. (This is a slight departure from the truth but this small man, so filled with anger, bothers me. At about five foot nothing, terrible eczema oozing from just about every exposed portion of his body and what looks suspiciously like a gun under his shirt, his attitude suggests I take a different tack.)
Amon Smiles craftily. Well it’s about time. I’ve been telling that pile of **** for years that without me he’d end up dead.
Well that’s what I meant. And when the entire planet got destroyed it wasn’t anything to do with you. But still they expected you to fix it.
Amon Damn right. Those old farts wouldn’t be able to find their asses without me. Weren’t for me they'd still be fighting that monster from the other dimension and…Begins sweating heavily; not a pretty sight with all the grime and flaking skin.
It’s a good job you’re around, then.
Amon Yeah, but do I ever get any thanks? No. It’s Amon do this, and don’t break that, and don’t steal this and … and I’ll tell you it drives me crazy and one day I’m gonna bring it all down on their heads. Say, you couldn’t lend me twenty bucks could you? I’ve got a sure thing at the track but the bookie won’t lend me any more after that hold-up, and he still blames me, just because he saw me the next day with a new coat and. Oh, ****, what’s that?
With relief I hear the sound of hammering at the door - luckily my neighbour’s door. Amon jumps out of my window in a flash and slides down the drainpipe like a teenager, telling me that he’ll be back for his twenty later.
I think I’ll be out.