Saturday, 10 December 2016

Snow joke.

I know that death is nature's little way of telling you to slow down, but this time I think it's out to do the job itself.
     Being the good law abiding citizen that I am I was not speeding the other night on the way home, even though the urge to go warp three after an extra specially long day pressed me to do so. Thus I was tooling along at a steady 50 mph when an enormous truck hurtled past me at about seventy five and in in it's wake dropped something that whizzed past my head close enough that I could hear the whine of impending death.

    Then yesterday, as always when it rains, just like every other motorcyclist, I was keeping at least one eye on the road for those pretty but lethal puddles of luminescence that indicates a leaking diesel tank. After successfully dodging one of them I was hit in the eye by a wandering horsefly. I thought nature's creatures were supposed to know when summer's over and die decently. This one almost took both of us out.

    If it's not my daughter (allegedly) running my wallet dry, the roads doing their best to do me in, or other motorists too busy texting to keep their minds on something as mundane as actually driving in a straight line now even the wildlife is out to get me. It could just be paranoia but after a giant, and I mean huge deep sea gull; a colossal Herring gull I believe, either got blown of course or just decided to come in shore for a little fun and and get me, I'm beginning to believe the opposite. It will take weeks to get his calling card off my new jacket.

    Christmas...bah humbug.


  1. One of those colossal Herring gulls thought it would be a good joke to leave its calling card right on my head– splat – just like that (I wonder if it was the same one). I was out with my husband and in-laws, but none of them came to my aid as they were all convulsed with laughter. Mother in law actually stood in the middle of Bath High Street with her legs crossed! Talk about embarrassing there was me covered in bird poo and mother in law desperately trying not to disgrace herself! Once they all stopped laughing, they proceeded to help get the disgusting stuff out of my hair. I was very glad they all got in a bit of a mess – serve them right!
    I’ve not had an encounter with a horsefly, but it can only be a matter of time. Like you, I seem to be a target for these things.

  2. About a year ago(it might have been the same one) I saw a herring gull try to land on the roof of a gorgeous Citroen DS but slipped and fell onto the road leaving deep gouges on the roof. I legged it fast in case the owner came out.

  3. Were you on your motor bike again?

  4. Of course. nobody ever bothers me when I'm on foot.

  5. Well. Now I'm more anxious than ever to get a motorcycle of my very own.

  6. Go for it. The first few times you're smashed over the road is quite fun - if you survive. It's becoming a little more difficult to bounce as I get older.