I must be the only person who is going to Ascot tomorrow and won't even see a horse. Horse racing comes under the topic of sport. What a useless pointless waste of time that is. Who invented sport? Was it someone with the imagination of an addled ant and absolutely nothing to do. 'I know let's kick a ball around.' Or. 'Let's hits balls with sticks' Or even better, 'let's punch someone unconscious and call it sport.'
Anyway. I'm being paid to go to Ascot and I'm going to spend the entire day, when I'm not asleep, writing. It wouldn't be so bad if it was Women's Day. Thousands of women tottering about on ten inch heels wearing outrageous frocks that probably cost the GDP of quite a few small counties. Then those same women six hours later, most of them so drunk they can't stand up, being shovelled into taxis or falling over and impaling themselves on the thousands of ten inch spikes littering the road.
So I'll write. I might even get in five thousand words. Someone should write some novels about horse racing - might be a few quid in it.
Nah, it would never catch on.