After waiting hours I finally got through to the company providing information and support for which awesome service I'm paying £3 per month. No nerdy little catchphrases bandied about there.
"If you so much as open the back the warranty will be null and void."
"So who can change the RAM on my computer?" I asked in a slow and pedantic voice.
"Well ****** can, (the company that made the machine). Have you tried calling them?"
"Yes I have. Except," I waited for the pregnant silence to cow him.
"And?" It didn't work.
"They're all in America and I don't live in America, and I don't fancy shipping my machine over five thousand miles just to have something done that would take me a minute and a half."
"But there have to be some in England."
"There are but they don't open on weekends and none of the sites I've found will have anything to do with the particular computer I bought. It seems as if I'm the only person on the entire planet either stupid, or shrewd enough to buy the exact model I chose.
"Well, there you go, then. Lay so much as a finger on it and we'll know. Your choice." I suppose he might have been a bit miffed having to work on a Saturday morning so I hung up before inviting him to do something rude, probably impossible and certainly illegal to himself.
Later on I downloaded two separate pieces of software, both guaranteed to give me precise details as to RAM bus speed, motherboard bus speed and clockspeed as I'd decided to do the thing myself and to hang with the warranty. Both of them do give me precise figures for all of the above; except that they're both giving me different figures for the same thing.
Yes, I know I could have found that information from the instruction book, but as I bought the display model I didn't even get so much as a box for it.
My daughter's been whining on for months that her Windows 8.1 machine is soooooo old and why should she be the only only one in creation forced to use such an antiquated lump of junk.
She can have this one and I'm going to build one of my own, which is exactly what I should have done in the first place.